


I couldna bear yours

by gotham_ruaidh



Series: Gotham Writes for Imagine Claire & Jamie [81]
Category: Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 20:43:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12968040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotham_ruaidh/pseuds/gotham_ruaidh
Summary: Imagine Claire and Jamie, reunited, finally being able to process all the feelings and fears they had to face alone in 03x10…





	I couldna bear yours

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted at [Imagine Claire & Jamie](https://imagineclaireandjamie.tumblr.com/post/167738227589/i-couldna-bear-yours) on tumblr

“Hush,” she soothed, one hand buried deep in the curls at the base of Jamie’s skull, the other caressing his shoulders, his side, palm flat against the twisted flesh of his scars. “Breathe deep. Hush.”

“Claire,” he spluttered against her neck, breath hot against the exquisitely sensitive skin of her collarbone, arms locking her shoulders against the decadent feather mattress. Sweat glued their bellies together, hearts racing as one.

A bird called outside their window. Jamie shifted, swallowing Claire’s moan.

Finally, *finally* they had time alone together. Weeks of pent-up longing on the Artemis – ten long days of misery and anxiety and bone-deep fear – and then two days ashore, sorting out Marsali and Fergus and Father Fogden and all the associated ridiculousness of *that* situation.

Then a long, hearty meal – and they had retired to their room around mid-day.

Claire could barely make out the tall palm tree swaying in the breeze outside the window. The sunsets on Hispaniola were gorgeous this time of year, or so their hostess had said.

But nothing was more beautiful than Jamie’s eyes, watching her, shining in the light of the single scented candle he had lit before watching her undress.

Awe. Reverence. And then with the first touch – they had both gone absolutely feral.

Biting. Smelling. Scratching. Claiming.

Finding – soothing – the terror of separation.

They had not left the bed – or each other’s bodies – since that first searing touch.

“So much,” she whispered around his kiss. “I feel…so much…”

He bore down, knee pressing into the mattress, one hand cupping her bottom.

She shouted her surprise. Not caring who could hear.

“Never again,” he sobbed, increasing his pace. “I’m only alive…with you, Claire!”

Her right hand flailed in the shadows – cupping his face – her thumb brushing the tears from his cheek. Eyes locked with his.

“Love you,” she gasped. “Love you, love you, love you…”

–

“You would have liked him,” she breathed, sometime later.

The candle sputtered around the wick, then finally went out.

They had shifted onto their sides – still joined – her legs locked around his hips, his fingers tangling in the ends of her curls.

“I’ve heard of the young lads on such ships.” The rumble of his voice echoed through her flesh. His thumb traced her swollen lower lip. “Children of the aristocracy – second or third sons. Raised by sailors and soldiers, no’ their parents.”

“He respected me before any other man did. And he wasn’t afraid to lead.” She kissed his thumb, arching her throat as he traced the half-dozen marks he’d left since this morning. Listening.

“He – he never said it, but he needed a mother. And I gave him that, at the end.”

Now he kissed away her tears. Bussed his nose against hers.

“I miss her so much, Jamie. I miss being a mother.”

“What did ye say to me, once? That ye can never lose a child?”

“That’s not the same – ”

“Being a mother affects who you are as a doctor. Do ye no’ see that? Yer heart is open to so many, Claire. To yer patients – to wee Elias. How could he no’ love ye?”

She sighed.

“But I – ”

“*No,*” he whispered, pulling back just a bit. “Dinna think of that. Ye did everything ye could. And ye gave him comfort when he needed it. Ye arena our Lord, who could heal the sick wi’ a wave of the hand.”

Silence. He could hear her thinking – wanted to desperately to relieve her burden.

Slowly, thoughtfully, he snaked one hand down to where they were joined.

She knew –

“Jamie…”

“Give me yer pain, Claire. Yer heartbreak. All the loss, and sadness. Give it to me. For we are one flesh.”

And then her hand was there, too – fingers tangling with his.

Now their foreheads met on the pillow, eyes tightly shut.

“I want this – right now – always.” Light danced behind her eyelids. His mouth blindly found hers in a sloppy kiss.

“If I have this – here – now – wi’ you,” he murmured, “then I may die when we get to heaven.”


End file.
